It was wicked windy and cold in Boston last night. 30 kph (19mph) winds and -19C (-2F). I As I pottered along to the T (subway) station after my workout I was aware only of the wind and of the intensifying growls of hunger coming from the depths of my stomach. Unconsciously I rubbed the last $20 bill from my Christmas present money in my pocket between my fingers. I could buy myself a snack — a dinner even — and break my budget without it showing up in my weekly budgeting: a technical loophole. It defeated my goal of applying self-discipline and curbing my spending habits, however. I knew I was cheating.
I was still thirty feel away when I heard the train before I saw it. I had to make it to make the 7:10 PM bus home from Riverside so I started to run…or waddle really because I looked like a massive, unweildy purple marshmallow in my heavy winter hiking jacket and my backpack stuffed with my now dirty gym clothes and running shoes and laptop. I was still ten feet away when the train arrived and doors opened. People were packed into it like sardines in a tin, and somehow, more people piled in. I would make it but I had not a second extra to spare. I waddled faster and started pulling out my train pass from my jacket pocket at the same time.
The $20 bill had been swaddling my T-pass. As I yanked it out, the money came out with it. It happened in an instant but I felt I watched it in slow motion: the howling wind swept the $20 bill in a rising spiral over my head. The seventh US president, Andrew Jackson, the face on $20 dollar bills, and I locked eyes for a second. Even as I flung my hand forward — fingers outstretched — to grab it, it flew away from me along the station. There was a momentary break in the wind and I I watched it fall and come to rest next to a red minivan parked outside the station twenty feet away. I dashed towards it as fast as I could. It was pointless, however. In another split second, a new gush of wind lifted the bill back up and off it was gone…hurled into the darkness of the night.
I remained transfixed by my bad luck. I was cheating my budget but fate cheated me instead. I don’t know how long I stood there. It could have been a minute, five minutes or even ten. I was brought back by a loud angry rumble from deep inside me. The train was gone and I was quite alone on the platform as I waited for the next one, disconsolate and unhappy.
Now there is no buffer of secret money left. Now it’s just me vs temptation and/or hunger.
My lack of control over my eating has been the source of great frustration and unhappiness for me for a very long time. I have been working out at an expensive, women’s-only small group gym that has a personal trainer for every four women and had been getting nowhere with my weight. It wasn’t the gym’s fault either. My muscles have been getting toned; I can see muscles in places where I had never, ever felt any before and under half an inch of fat on my belly, I can feel rock-hard abs. I was building the muscles…only, they were hidden under a thin cover of fat.
My nutrition plan is simple:
- Eat good food
- Eat smaller portions
- Eat a balanced meal
- Eat until full, not stuffed
- Drink lots of water
I have stuck to my diet/nutrition plan well these past 10 days — including the weekend — and already I have been rewarded. Continue reading “Happiness is Making Progress”
Down 2 lbs and 1% body fat. Yay! The weight was probably just water weight, but the body fat I could not possibly have lost overnight. So, I am still quite proud of myself. Now if only I can go the weekend without binge-eating, I will be in terrific shape. I give myself. One cheat meal should not turn into an entire cheat day. If I can do that, I will be solid.
- Herbalife Banana-PB smoothie
- 1.25 cups fat-free milk
- 1.5 scoops Herbalife cookies-n-cream Formula 1 powder
- 1.5 Tbsp PB2 powdered peanut butter
- 1.5 oz Genoa salami + hot Capicola sandwich
- 1 apple
Continue reading “Success and Food Log: September 4, 2014”
Today was a good food day too, I thought. I am certain I ate less than 1300 calories today. I wanted to snack more, but I stopped myself and told my brain to find something else to amuse itself with besides food.
Had to do a lot (53 minutes at a very brisk pace) of walking because I missed my stop on the bus and there wasn’t another bus for an hour and a half. I was already so sore from yesterday’s gym workout. And an added bonus is that I drank way more than the recommended 64 oz of water. 🙂
- 1.5 Scrambled Eggs (scrambled 3 eggs; shared with Keith) (130 calories)
- 3/4 Tbsp butter (70 calories)
- ½ slice toast (40 calories)
- 1 cup cauliflower-peas-gourd curry
- 1 cup steamed whole edamame beans
Continue reading “Food Log: September 3, 2014”
I don’t know anyone who wishes to be unhappy; do you? I know many people (me included) who, against all wisdom and common sense, make choices that lead to unhappiness, but that’s not what they had set out to be.
Everyone wants to be happy. If you ask people what they want out of life, most will tell you that they want to be happy. But what makes a happy life? What is happiness, anyway? These questions are as old as the Himalayas, of course, and people have been pondering them for ages.
The founding fathers of the United States of America considered happiness so vital to the type of life they wanted for their people that they included the pursuit of happiness as an “unalienable right”, together with life and liberty. However, the US Declaration of Independence only guarantees the freedom to pursue happiness; it does not guarantee happiness itself. You have the right to chase happiness; actually catching it us upon you. Continue reading “What is happiness?”
Yesterday was also a gym day and I was ravenous for dinner. Ate a whole extra skewer of kebabs but it was lean, white meat protein so mostly just protein. That Starbucks fruit-n-cheese box is a lot of calories though!
Tomorrow Traci and I are supposed to go out for lunch because it’s restaurant week. And for dinner, the Mansellas have invited us to their new condo in West Roxbury. I hope I don’t do too much damage to my diet tomorrow. I will try to make good choices (i.e., not take seconds) at the Mansellas.
- Cookies-n-cream+Peanut Butter shake (295 calories)
- 2 scoops Herbalife Cookies-n-cream powder
- 1.5 Tbsp PB2 peanut butter
- 1.5 cups fat free milk
Continue reading “Food Log: August 28, 2014”
Yesterday I attended the start-of-year faculty meetings for Oak Hill Middle School where I am doing my National Science Foundation (NSF) teaching fellowship where I will be bringing some real science (projects) to 7th grade classrooms.
I didn’t know what my schedule would be, or what to expect, so I didn’t bring lunch with me…which, turned out to be a mistake, because I didn’t get any lunch (I’m proud to say I passed on the free supermarket cookies) until 3:00 PM. I was starving by then. It took every ounce of willpower to walk past the wonderful Jewish Barry’s Village Deli at Waban with their delicious and fatty pastrami and corned beef sandwiches to the Russian supermarket for stuffed cabbage rolls.
- 1 chicken gordita (from local Mexican place, Antojito’s Cafe on Moody St)
- wedding cake smoothie: 1 cup non-fat milk + 2 scoops cookies-n-cream Herbalife powder + cheesecake and white chocolate no-sugar pudding mix
Lunch: Continue reading “Food Log: August, 27, 2014”