I’ve been away from this blog for a while — that was a mistake, one I will work hard to avoid in 2015.
Because a realization came crashing down on me yesterday: it’s that I am turning into a miserable, grumbling curmudgeon with a steady stream of negativity running through my head at all waking hours quite like a 24-hour news channel covering US politics.
Negativity about what you may ask?
About absolutely everyone and everything that is not just right: in-laws reminding me to get situated behind a white picket fenced house and pop out some babies; about Keith being afraid to ditch it all and move across the world to start a new and exciting life somewhere far away from the all-consuming American Dream (AD). About sucky Sonya, who really does suck, but that has been established by all that work with, and around, her already so why harp on the point.
I’ve been walking around with my very own, custom-built-for-me hell in my own head.
Is that why my blood pressure is through the roof again? Is that why I still have not lost the 20 lbs I set out to lose at the start of last summer?
Today, after many months, I listened to an episode of the Vedanta podcasts again after many months. A sentence from it spoke to me…as if it was spoken just to me:
The world we see is a reflection of our own minds
How apt! And how true. The people we meet in the world are as ugly or as beautiful as people as we see them. The world has felt so awful to me of late — where I thought everyone was out to stop me from living the life I want to live. But the world has not gotten any worse than it was, really; the lens through which my mind processes the world has vile slime smeared all over it. I’ve been poisoning it with my own thoughts.
Thankfully, it’s my favourite time of the year: time to decide what goes into the software for Swati version (n+1). It’s time to make some RESOLUTIONS!
My next post will have my resolutions for 2015. The key will be to make small changes to my life each day that add up over time…like money in a retirement account. That’s so the goals are not so lofty that they seem unattainable and I feel that it would be useless to even try.